Saturday, August 15, 2009

WTF happened to this bitch?

The other day when I was working my routine schedule of tanning people to golden perfection at 11:30 in the eve, I got four text messages from four different people asking me if I had seen Kat Von D on TV at the Teen Choice Awards. First of all I'm 87 years old, so there is no reason why I should be watching the Teen Choice Awards. But I was interested in what my friends were talking about so I did a little bit of research and BAM!
WTF???? She looks like she needs to be set loose in the wild jungle. She has turned into the Lion Lady. What did she do to her face? People, when you are thinking about getting any sort of plastic surgery, especially on your face, do yourself a favor and look at the surgeons portfolio of clients that he's worked on. If most of the people look like zoo animals. YOU WILL TOO!

Putting Up With The Kardashian's

In honor of Kim kardashian's generic makeover I thought I would post TstarTarraf Production's freakin highlarious spoof on Keeping Up With The Kardashians.
Can I just vent for a second! We all know that Kim is a very beautiful voluptuous Armenian woman, but she really needs to keep her mouth shut more often. She is dumber than a doorknob and every time she opens her mouth to "talk" her hotness percentage goes down 16 points. Am I not right people? Enjoy the parody : )

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Borat with a vagina

Last year I almost got to do a project where I would tour the USA in a van and be put into situations where I would fuck with people. Kinda like Sacha Baron Cohen as Borat. It was going to air in the Middle East on MBC (Middle Eastern Broadcasting Channel). Long story short the project never ended up happening. Something about Dubai having financial problems, blah blah blah. Any who here is my audition tape. Enjoy: )

Finger Fucker

The other night my friend Wendy and I went to have middle eastern food at Moustache in the Village. The restaurant is very tiny so the tables are very close to each other. You can hear other people's conversations. As New Yorkers we put up with so much shit for good food. I know I do.
Wendy and I got our usual menu of labneh, ouzi, zahtar pizza, and Wendy's fucked up concoction of a salad that consists of chicken and lettuce (NO TOMATOES, NO ONIONS, NO CUCUMBERS)!
Our food came and we started eating. There was a group sitting at the table next to us. The woman who was sitting closer to Wendy started pointing at our food. She was pointing so aggressively that her finger was almost underneath Wen's nose. The woman kept on pointing and describing the food to the people at her table. At one point her finger almost took a dive in my labneh. I lost my shit and told her "excuse me, can you not finger fuck my food please! You have crossed the border into our table several times and your finger has taken a dive into my food. Stop that shit!" Don't mess with me when it comes to food. I'm a biggity big voluptuous woman.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Tamar Da Star and Calder livin in up in NYC

Tonight I agreed to babysit my friend Kameko's son Calder. Not usually a fan of kids but we had a great time. We went out for sushi where he told the waitress he wanted lobster. Calder is my kinda man! Then we came home and we watched Elmo Goes To The Doctor. You might be asking yourself why the fuck I own Elmo Goes To The Doctor. Well as some of you know, I sublet my apt from cookie monster. He left some of his DVDs here. It was my first time watching Sesame Street and I started singing along with the songs. Then after 20 minutes of this video I wanted to shoot myself in the foot. My ADD kicked in so Calder and I decided to have fun and take pics with my Mac photo booth : )

Photo shoot with Veronica Ibarra

Here is one the photos from my photo shoot with my good friend Veronica. She is such a talented photographer. She has a great eye and just gets it. She also has the best style. One day when Veronica is sleeping I will break into her apt and steal her vintage clothes. OOPS! Hope she doesn't read this : )